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T’was an hour before closing, and the office was tense
The first closing in months was about to commence
With the economy a mess and underwriting requirements so tight
Who would believe there’d be a closing tonight!
Expenses were up, financials in the red
But visions of commissions danced in the agents’ heads
The loan was approved by the lender’s good grace
Everyone knew it was a borderline case
The purchasers divorced and remarried again
Divorced once more and now were just friends
The loan package complete, to the attorney it was carried
With instructions to close before the purchasers remarried
The title policy was ordered and when it arrived
There were judgments and liens… how could this loan survive?
The title was cleared and the closing was set
The lender’s requirements had finally been met
Lo & behold, the buyers were short seventy-four cents!
The broker gave a quarter, the attorney a dime
And the sellers held a mortgage for the other thirty nine
With all this settled and closing at hand
Everyone wondered, “What else will the lender demand?”
When all of a sudden, the phone rang with a clatter
The broker sprang from his chair to see what was the matter
He answered the phone, all could tell by his groan
T’was the lender on the other end of the phone
Everyone listened as he sputtered and coughed
They knew in a flash that the closing was off
The attorneys and agents were scurrying around
And the buyers and sellers, they all broke down
Then more rapid than eagles his epithets came
He screamed and shouted and called them by name:
Now buyers, now sellers, both women and men
Now brokers, now lawyers, now lenders and friends
The closing is off, what more can I say
Than ‘Happy Holidays’ to all… and to all a good day!