Home » Sack Your Landlord » The Chronicles of a Multi-Faceted Landlord – Ikite Godwin | #SYL 2016
Sack your Landlord Essay Competition 2016

The Chronicles of a Multi-Faceted Landlord – Ikite Godwin | #SYL 2016

THE CHRONICLES OF A MULTI-FACETED LANDLORD

by Ikite Godwin

Imagine the sudden rush of strong wind as a car driving at a speed of not less than 100km/h passes you by. This incident can be likened to seconds that turn to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days, days to months, and then a year. A tenant’s one year is equal to that “sudden rush of wind”. Gbum!! Gbum!! Gbum!! A thunderous echo piercing through my subconscious as I lay half asleep one cold Sunday morning. I managed to get up from my bed to see who’s trying to pull down my half fit door. Behold the Alpha and Omega of our compound, our landlord “Ette Uko” as he is rightly called. “Mme nsin uduah ufok mmi, dokoh ette mfo” in my local Ibibio dialect, translation “tell your dad I have increased my house rent”. My translation “please help, I have just been stabbed”.

A sixty-five percent rent increase, verbal murder and an ill-written letter from his supposed lawyer was what I had for breakfast. Our rent was due in a week and with this jaw breaking information one can only wonder how or what to do next. “Foolish man!! What does he mean by this?” those were the words of my father as anger was suddenly trickling down to rage. While pondering on his next move he said to himself “Ehh it’s my fault, I should have built my house by now.” With that, he had resorted to the self-blame game and weeks later I discovered that the house bills have been settled amicably in the bank.

As one would rightly think, a sixty-five percent increase in house bills should probably go with plans to renovate certain components of the house that have fizzled out in the course of time. If you were thinking in the same direction as I was, well sorry to disappoint you that wasn’t the case. My family and I live in a three bedroom flat that was built in the seventies, till date no renovation of any sort has been carried out. Typically, day-to-day changes have been made by the tenants in desperate times as of issues with leakages, broken pipes, decaying roof sheet, cracked walls and the like, of which the tenants were required to make certain contributions. So you see why and increment in house rent is a logical contradiction of the highest order.

Months later the “Alpha male” is asking for advance of the next years rent to settle issues in his personal life, days later he is thanking my dad for being a very understanding tenant in fact, the best he has had so far. The very next day, I am hearing heavy noises over a heated conversation, sounding like an alien spaceship crash landing in our house. Our Landlord is planning to link up the light of our flat with his own so he wouldn’t have to pay light bills again, hmmm!!! Well played!!

COULD IT GET ANY WORSE THAN THIS!!!!

– Ikitde, Iberedem Godwin

 

You can also read other stories in this competition by clicking HERE

 

 

30 comments

  1. ur incredible.i enjoyed every bit of it

  2. well done dear, well written 5star

  3. i agree with wordsworth, the ending was weak, but on the whole its a great piece..thumbs up

  4. great job, but can do beta, 9/10

  5. You started really strong but your ending was weak. Good job anyways

  6. mulit-faceted indeed..thumbs up bro..nice work.i rate it a 10

  7. better boy write beta easy to get beta point for beta win.
    lol its definitely 100%

  8. the creativity is too much..well written an deserves to win.

  9. this essay is awesome…5stars

  10. EXCELLENT 5STAR

  11. iam in love with the essay.thumbs up ibee.. you must win

  12. 5star, its a masterpiece

  13. you are a boss, u rep 100/100

  14. iam very impressed ibee, 100%

  15. for me its a 5 star rating

  16. Nice piece there!

  17. incredibly nice..
    very educative and entertaining

  18. Awesome essay.gud work bro

  19. Very hilarious yet. Well worked out

  20. 5star general. great work

  21. my guy is the best 100%

  22. great work,very hilarious 100%

  23. he should definitely win 100%

  24. 100% definitely

  25. definitely 5star

  26. 5star rating

  27. i rate it a five

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