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Sack Your Landlord

The Parting Gift | #SackYourLandlord

I picked up the Bible, passed a surreptitious glance to be sure my target was still amongst us. Fortunately, he was. I looked at my wristwatch: 07:20pm. I had 20 minutes to preach this message.

I opened the Bible, looked around again, as if analyzing the faces of everyone present. It was my first time moderating the devotion. At 16 Alabi-Ajasin, we had a tradition. Every Wednesday and Sunday, we held devotions from 7:00pm to 8:00pm, and each tenant took turns to moderate. I had always avoided the moderations. I stayed away on those days. Surprisingly, I turned up today, and the neighbours could not hide their amazement.

‘’Bob, this one you showed up today, God must have touched your heart oh.” Mr. Jide shot at me. His teeth were brown and his breath stank.

“Yes sir. God touched my heart.’’ I joked, mimicking his Yoruba accent.

‘’Bob, you don repent? Thank God o’’, went Bolaji.

Ngozi, Joyce and even Mr. Adesina, our landlord, joined the chorus. They didn’t know I was on a mission- a mischievious one.

“If you are with your Bible,” I started, “please open to the book of Exodus 20:14’’

I turned to look at Oga landlord. His countenance changed as he opened the scripture and saw what it said. I smiled.

“Ehm, Oga landlord sir, please help us read that scripture.” I said almost laughing.

“Ehn? Me?” He asked.

The fear and embarrassment on his face were palpable.

“Yes sir. You.” I answered

“Okay. It says: Thou shall not commit adultery.”

“Again sir.”

“Thou shall not commit adultery.’’

“One more time sir.”

He became irritated.

“Thou shall not commit adultery.”

I dropped my bible and began: “We have heard it. It is not my word o, it is God’s. Thou shall not commit adultery. If you do so, God’s thunder will fire you. If you do so, thunder will fire your children.”

Oga landlord began to sweat and fidget.

“Adultery is an abomination, and curses will follow us, follow you, if you you try it. Thunder will…’’

Before I could finish my sentence, Oga landlord fainted. Chaos broke out and the devotion ended!

Oga landlord loved chasing things underneath skirts. It was common knowledge. His wife and children lived in Oshodi, while he resided in mushin. He took the liberty to womanise. The devotion provided me the platform to show him his wrong.

Did I here you say ‘quit notice?’ Forget it. Right now I am living at Ikeja. That message was a parting gift to Oga landlord, because I had already rented a new house.

By the way, my new landlord doesn’t womanise, but he is a chronic stammerer and a talkative. He shoots missiles of saliva when he speaks. I’m already thinking of a parting gift for him. That would be in two years time, when I’m 31 and would have bought my own house, I mean, sacked my landlord!

AUTHOR: MBAKPUO STANLEY OBINNA

28 comments

  1. Ugochukwu Onuoha

    This is great Stan,keep it up!

  2. its cool…. nice job

  3. The Parting Gift. Wow!!!! Stanley I am honored to have not only met but known u in My lifetime. U just keep getting better. This is a masterpiece, superbly crafted and explosive. U have no limits at all My Dearest keep soaring, the heavens are with you!!!!

  4. NYC one dear

  5. When i was reading ds piece in skuul my coursemates be like hmmm its like ur chatting with im dats y u can’t stop smiling. #SackTheLandlord jawe

  6. welldone Stan Lee..

    I started to smile from the early part of the story.

    “Sack your Landlord” !! Lol

    More lubrication to your joints…

  7. Amicable Henry

    Nice Concept. I Like It. More Grace.

  8. Amicable Henry

    Nice Concept. I Love It. More Grace.

  9. Abolade Olanrewaju Samuel.

    Fantastic piece…. Go get the top prize.

  10. Abolade Olanrewaju Samuel.

    Fantastic piece… just go on the prize giving day to win the day…

  11. Guy u don give me concept. Abeg chop five!!! I fit come do 1 week IT for syd come learn aw u take dey bambuzule ppl wit ya articles?

  12. Interesting and creative one.
    nice piece course mate.

  13. proud to be your course mate
    Nice, creative and striking one.
    thanks bro.

  14. had me cracking up.. nice

  15. Awesome write up, another one of ur spectaculars. Keep it up. You rock!!

  16. Awesome…good introductory start, right usage of words and a great finishing.

  17. Owoeye Ibukun Racheal

    This write-up is a wow! Kip it up

  18. Stanley WordLord

    When I started out, I heard myself say ‘Don’t worry, Winnie will vote once she gains wind of it.’
    That’s how loyal and faithful a friend you are. The angels are already wrappong your gift. Expect a knock on your door soon.

  19. Stanley WordLord

    Ndubunma Oge, words can’t describe how much I appreciate you. If the stars were letters, they couldn’t write a complete sentence to describe me gratitude. Daalu

  20. Read all of them and was impressed by a few but not as much as #the parting gift#

  21. Ndubunma oge priscilla

    this is indeed a write up…talent never hides

  22. Ndubunma oge priscilla

    This is a write up indeed….talent never hides

  23. Stanley WordLord

    Thanks a lot Godswill. Your words a soul-lifting.

    Sis Rolake, I appreciate the encouragement. Better food for the soul.

  24. Godswill Nnamdi Emereuwa

    Laughter and smiles started beam on my face very early into the story. Lovely and creative piece of work. I must commend the expressions.

  25. I hadn’t even read’ up to half before smiles started forming on my face! A mischievous fellow indeed. I like the coinage ‘sacking my landlord’ and its connotative meaning. Keep it up dear.

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